My bad.
******EXCLAIMER******
BEFORE I start, do not assume that the examples I am giving in this entry are happening currently, I'm just reflecting. I've had other problems that sparked this, but this is mostly past things. THOUGH the job interview thing did happen like a month ago.
Anyways, I've had some intense things go down, I mean, damn, I really should of blogged before right now, because I have another incident that I need to discuss with you all. BUT I can't get this off my mind, so it comes first. It shouldn't be too long.
Ok, to those of you who legit know me really well, MIGHT know that I have a HORRIBLE tendency to unintentionally self sabotage. Like, it's getting ridiculous. For instance, for this stupid job interview I had, (NOT WAFFLE HOUSE, F*** THAT PLACE.) At a research data analysis company, I was driving there and somehow, for the first time EVER, forgot to get gas, and forgot my debit card! I didn't run out, but I had to race home and have my sister take me. Or I *Run My Mouth* I just don't understand, sometimes/usually I am the personification of *knowing exactly what to say and when to say it* but sometimes it's like "So, Abbey........WTF WERE YOU THINKING?!" That was CLEARLY a poor decision. Why? Just....WHY? Sometimes it's stupid sh*t I barely even mean.
Part of it is that I assume people are honorable and won't betray me, because I have a hard time accepting that people have no sense of loyalty. I mean, we all talk about people, it's our nature, and usually it all goes unsaid and blows over, but oh no, I can't just......God, I Suck.
I KNOW BETTER. Like, why do I shoot myself in the foot all the time? Is it a secret self loathing issue? I just don't get it. I mean, saying "so and so's a bitch" is NBD to me, if someone is a bitch to me, I will refer to them as a bitch. **And NO, as a matter of fact I DON'T care how sweet she is to you, she's a heinous bitch to ME, therefore, in my opinion, she is in fact a heinous bitch.**
But what I'm really trying to get across is that my mouth just, just doesn't stop. THE WORST is when I don't see the implications of my actions coming, which is rare to me, I almost always know what I'm saying is a risk, but when I don't realize that, and am lulled into a false sense of security, I let my guard down, which is just retarded. An example would be talking about someone or something someone did, and then have them sitting around the corner. THAT stuff.
Bottom line, I continuously find new ways, everyday, to F*CK myself in a most unappealing fashion.
Damnit.
That's all folks'
Silver Lining?.................................this time, there isn't one.
Well, I guess I'm lucky to NOT think I am a warlock with Tiger Blood, like the inspiring Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses.
-Abbey
OH P.S. STAY TUNED FOR MY NEXT BLOG......
"A**HOLES WHO WORK AT MY DOCTORS OFFICE"
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